Feb

14

When I was single, I hated Valentine’s Day; I felt it had been created for the sole purpose of throwing my loneliness in my face with a cruel, taunting laugh. Now, of course, I realize it was created for the sole purpose of wringing money out of husbands and boyfriends. In any event – if you’re single and tired of it, and hating this Valentine’s Day, run out and buy a copy of my friend Jessica’s inspiring book about conjuring love in your life. You’ll feel lots better. (Look for an interview with Jessica soon on this very website.)

Here’s a conjuring story of my own. Some few New Moons before I met my husband, I decided I was truly ready to find a partner. Since relying on my own flawed judgment hadn’t gotten me very far, it occurred to me that perhaps a benevolent universe could do better job of match-making; and so I composed a ritual. It began with a step I think was the most powerful: creating a list of the five essential qualities I wanted in a mate. That took some doing; it’s probably the first time I had stopped to really think about what I wanted, rather than what I didn’t want (which my many failed and, occasionally, tragic romances had made abundantly clear to me).

I don’t remember exactly what I wrote. I know I wanted someone honest – a quality that had been utterly lacking in many of my previous romantic forays. To that I probably added: someone sane (ask any Leo: we tend to gravitate toward our opposite sign, Aquarius, and in doing so we often veer into the “batsh@t crazy” end of the Aquarian spectrum on our way to “brilliantly quirky”), someone hard working, someone who made me laugh, someone who really wanted to be married. I folded up my list and tucked it under a dish with a lit pink (Venus’ color) candle on it. In a small pink handkerchief, I wrapped a tiny cloth doll of a man (which I had picked up for some reason at a Renaissance fair, years before). “This is my mate,” I declared (briefly wondering whether to add “is a full-sized human person” to my list), sealed the cloth with some of the wax from the candle, and left it on the my little makeshift altar until the candle burned all the way down.

The next day I stowed the little figure and the list in a box somewhere and completely forgot about them – until about a year later, when my (honest, sane, hard working, funny, committed, full-sized human) soon-to-be husband and I were packing up my apartment for my move to San Diego to get married. We had started out as friends, and it look awhile for me to recognize him as the person with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life.

So, you know – successful conjuring! That said, I’m sort of an agnostic on the subject of ritual. I don’t really believe there’s anything magical about lighting a candle or reciting an incantation or even the phase of the moon. I think what manifests results in our lives is pretty simple – readiness (more about that in Jessica’s book), intention (showing a willingness to engage in the process of getting what you want), and attention (so that you recognize it when it shows up). The beauty of ritual is in helping us clarify what we want.

Happy Valentine’s Day, then. And if you find it as miserable as I used to, use this day – just after a beautiful New Moon last night – to shift gears from misery to clarity. Make your lists, burn your candles, sing a song, clap your hands, or do anything else that helps you focus on what (or who) you want, so that you are more likely to recognize it when it shows up – even if it’s wrapped in a package that you weren’t expecting.

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February 14, 2010 | 4 Comments

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4 Comments so far

Marly February 15, 2010 6:02 am
Best gift the ex-hubs ever gave me? Made me appreciate how annoying Valentine’s Day is what with the feeling of obligation about buying flowers, cards, etc. The memory of all that neediness makes singlehood takes all the sting out of Valentine’s Day, believe me. Doesn’t mean I don’t feel on other days of the year, though, but man, that was horrible.

I did that ritual, btw, April. I still have a lot of work to do on myself, though. And, also, yes! I’m tired of the overly eccentric dudes. I don’t mind quirks but outright weird is no longer cute.
Anonymous February 15, 2010 3:45 pm
I’m a Leo too April, and have to say
I know exactly what you are talking about with regard to being drawn to the quirkier more eccentric astro types of partners, with dire consequences.
It might have been easier just having a rubics cube. Thankyou for sharing your thoughts on this. I will try your ritual.
Meredith
Maria February 15, 2010 5:22 pm
The fact that Valentine’s Day falls during the Aquarian Sun says it all, I’m afraid.

The ritual I performed was more elaborate, done with a real ritual magician on an outcropping of Leo Carrillo at midnight on Beltane. I didn’t realize that a year later I’d meet BOTH of my future boyfriends in the space of about 2 weeks. Both Taurus, both feel like forever.

Obviously, one *wasn’t.*

Wish you and your Aussie man all the love in the world!
April February 18, 2010 6:25 am
Eccentric definitely = cute as a bug. Weirdo-crazy, not so much cute.

@Marly – Neediness is not a thrilling and romantic feeling, is it?

@Meredith – Ha! Your will know your Prince Charming the minute you see him: he’ll be the one who shows up on your doorstep with a bouquet of Rubics cubes!

@Maria – See, *that*’s a ritual. Leave it to a Leo to make things super-theatrical. (But Pssst… New Zealand, not Australia! That particular mistake has been known to cause an international incident…)