Oh, the free-floating, inchoate wrath of Mars turning direct
(March 10) and the mounting tension of the cardinal grand cross!
Flaring nostrils and antagonistic repartee are currently all the
rage (you'll pardon the pun), despite the best efforts of Saturn
in Libra to restore civility and common courtesy to the zeitgeist.
In honor of Saturn, and of this Full Moon, in Libra - the sign
of good manners and harmonious relationships - I have turned this
column over to my dear friend Ms. AstroManners, who will field
a few Mars-inspired questions from readers.
Dear Ms. AstroManners:
Someone recently wrote a comment on my friend's Facebook page
that went against my political beliefs and made me really angry,
so I told the person off. We got in a big fight right there on
Facebook, and now my friend is mad at me and says I should apologize.
With Mars in Sagittarius, I pride myself on having the courage
of my convictions and feel I shouldn't have to apologize for them.
Who's right - me, or my friend?
Signed,
Steamed in Stockton
Gentle Reader:
It's a very modern disease, this habit of engaging complete strangers
in public arguments. Civilized persons who would never dream of
behaving this way at a friend's dinner party nevertheless think
nothing of insulting the friend's acquaintances in a virtual meeting
space. Ms. AstroManners often retires to her settee with a cool
compress after reading what passes for discourse in these situations.
Your friend's attitude is more easily understood if you consider
that her Facebook page is the virtual equivalent of her living
room. She has gathered acquaintances ranging from grade school
chums to quarrelsome relatives to her current co-workers to follow
her thoughts and activities in this forum. It is for her alone
to set the tone of the discourse and to intervene when others
are behaving in a way she finds objectionable - which is precisely
what she's done, though perhaps not in the direction you might
have hoped. Mars in Sagittarius or not, unless invited to do otherwise
by your host's words or example, you should behave as you were
doubtless taught to do at any social gathering: contribute polite
and interesting conversation when appropriate and tactfully ignore
statements that contradict your own views. Those you may discuss
on your Facebook page.
Dear Ms. AstroManners:
I am shocked - shocked! - by the casual use of profanity in
everyday life. To me, a four-letter profanity is as violent as
a slap in the face. I recently chastised a friend for her use
of a particularly piquant expletive and was rudely advised to
mind my own #$%@ing business. With Mars in my 7th house of close
friends, this is unfortunately not the first time something like
this has happened. How can I keep my friends from using language
I find offensive when we are together?
Signed,
Scandalized in Scranton
Gentle Reader:
Ms. AstroManners once had a kindly, doting uncle who was the
acme of gentle manners, save for one disconcerting habit: he dipped
snuff and tended to be a little rough in the company of a spittoon.
Being of delicate sensibilities, Ms. AstroManners found this habit
so unsettling that she avoided spending much time with this otherwise
lovely man. Imagine her guilt when, after his death, his widow
gave Ms. AstroManners a lovely family heirloom he had set aside
for her, confiding that Uncle Spittoon adored his niece and was
sad that he didn't get to spend more time with her.
Some of the people we hold most dear have habits that we deplore.
In some cases, such as substance abuse, these habits have a direct
bearing on personal safety, making intervention or avoidance reasonable
options. Then there are those habits that fall under the rubric
of "things I myself would not do, but which cause me negligible
harm when done by others". Only you can decide whether the
benefits of a relationship outweigh the drawbacks - or the extent
to which a relationship may be damaged by the offering of unsolicited
advice. Your friend's reaction to your comment about her language
was extremely rude, but not unexpected, as adults rarely welcome
unsolicited commentary on their personal habits.
Dear Ms. AstroManners:
I've got Mars in Aquarius and I volunteer for a non-profit
organization that is working to protect the environment. Yesterday
I was outside a supermarket to collect signatures for a petition.
When I approached a shopper to speak to him, he growled at me
to get out of his way. I'll admit, I got angry. I shouted after
him that he was selfish and should care more about the planet.
Please remind your readers that people like me are just trying
to inform them of important issues and that there is no reason
to be rude.
Signed,
Insulted in Indianapolis
Gentle Reader:
Ms. AstroManners does not approve of the way in which the shopper
expressed his unwillingness to talk with you. However, she reminds
you that approaching total strangers in the process of living
their daily lives is a tenuous proposition. Many haven't the time
or inclination to speak to you, nor are they under any obligation
to do so. Be sure you remember this when you approach strangers;
preface your remarks with polite apology for the interruption,
and apologize again and withdraw if your interruption is not welcome.
After all, for all you know this shopper could have just lost
a loved one or been fired from a job. For that matter, he could
have been one of your organization's most loyal supporters - though
his interaction with you might have given him second thoughts
about that.
Dear Ms. AstroManners:
Who do you think you are, setting yourself up as an arbiter
of good manners?
Signed,
Huffy in Henderson (Mars rising)
Gentle Reader:
Why, I am Ms. AstroManners.
Ms. AstroManners has eight planets in Libra and underwent
a Mars-ectomy shortly after birth. She and the letter writers
featured in this column are entirely a figment of April Elliott
Kent's imagination - which is not to say they are untrue.
